Pictures

A Year Later

So much has happened in the past year since we brought Emma home. She has grown leaps and bounds physically and emotionally. She is strong, beautiful, and loving. Emma began Kindergarten in August and Isaiah started his first grade year. They are both so much more settled at home and school. Blake is a Junior and still being homeschooled.He is still hunting at every opportunity and showing steers. Brittany has graduated and is now in Uganda, Africa until May. She left in September and will be working with A Helping Hand in Uganda. I promised her I'd be better about blogging so she could keep up with what is going on back home.
We were able to visit Brit in Mexico before she left for Africa and took her and the other kids to South Padre. We were so blessed to have that time with her and meet her teammates. They all have such a heart for the Father and what concerns Him...the orphan and the broken.
We had a great Thanksgiving with family and friends. We all missed Brit, but the kids made letters and some goofy snapshots to brighten her days as she transitions into her life in Africa. I'll post as many pictures as I can.

Catching up!!!

I really don't know where the time has gone since my last post...well, maybe I do, but who has the time to go into all of that!? I do want to post some new pictures and give a brief update for those who have so faithfully prayed and wondered "how is Emma?".

Emma has made such huge strides since she came home. I've really been made aware of just how far she's come as I've looked back this week. She started pre-K on Monday and is loving it. I almost lost it in her classroom as I watched this beautiful little girl embrace her new surroundings with such grace and courage. She was a little shy at first, but within a matter of moments she was joining in and blessing my heart beyond words. She told me "good-bye" and after school ran to me saying "thank you mommy!" Oh, how I love her embraces and cherish watching her heart open.

We've had some pretty tough days, but we've had even more good days. I still ache when I see her "cope" by withdrawing and crying or banging her head on her door, but she comes out of those places so quickly and now knows a little bit more that she's truly loved and has a home. I have so much more to share, but my time is short and I want to get the pictures up.

I'm going to try to post some pictures from Thanksgiving, Christmas, and her first day of school.

Pictures from Home

What Makes Her Smile

I love to see the joy breaking in over Emma's sadness. The grieving still lingers, but everyday we see more of the light in Emma's eyes and heart. Each day I ask for something to help her connect with me more and our hearts are being knit together as we find those things. These "are a few of her favorite things":

--She loves to shop. We took her for her first shopping spree on one of her "down" days and her eyes just lit up when we entered the store. She let out a sigh of wonder and soon began picking out some of her favorite pink things and jewels.

--She loves ice cream with chocolate syrup. The first time I gave it to her she cleaned the bowl...literally licking the bottom...and asked for more 3 times (of which I gave her, but in small portions)!

--She loves books, puzzles, music, and playing with her babies. We've had some really great times playing house and just being silly.

--She loves being outside. She can run, ride her bike, play in the dirt, and not have to think about what she's left behind.

The past two weeks have seemed like two months with all the ups and downs, busy days and long nights, but I can see the purpose and progres through it all. Emma lets go of her fear and frustration a little more each day and with that she opens her heart to our love and ultimately His love. The little things between the two of us are huge and I don't take one for granted. She grabbed my hand the other day as we walked to the barn, she fell and scraped her knee and came running to me for a bandaid (which turned into a large patch, then some medical tape, and finally an owie wrapped in guaze!), she held out her arms to me to help her out of the car and we had our first real embrace, she called for me help her get dressed, and she fixed my hair giggling and singing the entire time...and believe me, it was laughable!

I put a couple of songs on a playlist for this blog just because they not only remind me of my walk with the Father, but of Emma's. Brit downloaded these before we left for China and they really struck a chord in my heart as I prayed for Emma's arrival and now I know why. The second song has a few verses towards the end that I continue to sing over Emma as God reveals His love for her and uses us as his hands and voice to speak love each day. What an incredible journey adoption and parenting is and even with all the struggles I wouldn't trade my road with anyone!

I just wanted to give everyone a quick update and say "thanks" for all the comments and prayers that have been sent our way. I don't know why I always think I'll be prepared for something I've done before, because it's never the same twice. I know God keeps it that way to keep us leaning on Him and that's exactly where I am.

The last three days have been so emotionally and physically draining, but I can truly say I've felt His strength and grace to walk it out even through all the pain and tears. Emma has had a much better day today. I woke up heavy with the thoughts of what the day might bring and asked my Father for some kind of reprieve just so we could rest. He's always faithful. I knew we all needed out of the house. We had given Emma her bicycle yesterday which she rode for almost two hours, but it was just too cold and windy for that today, so we headed to the ranch. I took her to the barn with the horse and she enjoyed petting him. She was able to run and play inside and visit the bottle fed baby calves. It helped so much.

Even as we've had to watch Emma grieve so deeply, we've seen such breakthrough after each meltdown. I always tell her I love her and how sorry I am, but that all will be okay. It's been some of the only times that I feel she's really recieved my love. I know God is knitting our hearts together as we walk side by side in this. Each day I ask for ways to reach her and each day something is given to me...it might be finding the batteries for her phone that noone else can find or fixing her dolls hair, but each one brings us closer together.

A friend of mine said it so well when she said as we win Emma's love and affection it will be a treasure worth more than gold and that's exactly how I feel about her...she's worth more than anything this world could offer me. I really want to post pictures of her at home, but we've had so little rest that by the time I can download some I'm too tired. Last night was better and I'm praying tonight we'll all get the rest we need so that pictures will be soon to follow!

We're Home and Emma Grieves

We made it home very late Wednesday night after a long trip home. All in all the kids did so well after 30 hours of travel. Our precious Emma did fine until Minneapolis and our 5 hour lay over. I can only remotely relate to being in a foreign land with all I've ever known really gone and the reality of it all hitting in a moment. That moment came for Emma when I went to put a bandaid on an owie she had. She didn't want that bandaid or that mother at that moment and the flood of tears came. Oh how my heart broke for her in that place. Long story short, her daddy came to the rescue and she eventually cried herself to sleep in Brittany's arms.

She made it on home fine and did love her room. Her eyes lit up when she saw it and all her toys. She and Isaiah fell asleep in his room around 2am. I was awakened about 5am by the crackling of paper in the kitchen and found them both in bed eating the rice snacks we'd brought home from China. They did eventually fall asleep and didn't awaken again until 2:30 that afternoon!

Emma did pretty well yesterday until Blake left (she had an immediate bond with him and told him she loved him that first night). The tears started to flow as he dorve off and there was noone to comfort her. I sat on the floor beside her and just cried with her, but she wanted away from me and everthing else. I think we both could have taken off running and crying in opposite directions and not stopped, but we would have met again on the other side and been right back here again. I know I have to let her grieve, but the pain of watching your child suffer such deep blows is beyond words and beyond difficult. I just kept crying out to my Father to please let me bear this for her... and in that still, calming voice I heard Him reply, "I already have." So I weep when she weeps and ask that in His mercy her pain be healed quickly.

Last night was also difficult as she woke me with her sobbing. Jeff was able to comfort her a little, but sleep didn't come until the wee morning hours. Isaiah was sleeping with her and I asked him to come with me for awhile. He didn't want to leave her, but I knew he needed rest, too. As he lay beside me he began to cry. I asked him if he wanted to talk and he said he was so sad for his Emma and wanted to pray for her. He just kept asking God to help her and make the night not so hard. I know he carries his sister in a way none of us can, having grieved the same losses. I'm just so blessed by my children and their compassion for each other and knowledge of the only One who can really touch and heal our broken hearts.

We are so glad to be home. I do know that the weeping will only last for a moment and when that joy comes how amazing it will be. I look at Isaiah everday and stand in awe of God's goodness and transformation in his heart. It will come for Emma, too.